It figures

It really figures that I'd finally succumb to blogging through a couple quilty friends (one of these culprits, Mel, can be found here http://solje.thedevins.com/familyalbum.htm, and, Nik, here http://artquiltplay.blogspot.com/) and on the day Terri Shiavo dies. What a grueling ethical battle that was. At first I was torn......thought she was braindead and I could see at least the 'why' of her husband's wishes. After further investigation from various sources I was very sad to learn that while brain damaged, she wasn't even close to braindead. I'd put a link to my research here but I've lost it. Suffice it to say I was so torn on this whole issue that I formed many opinions and changed them frequently. It finally got to the point that the whole issue was beyond my comprehension because I'd never been in such a horrid position as all these folks. That's when I gave the whole thing to God and just prayed for all of them. It really makes you think about life, the quality of it, and how we choose to lead our own. You also can't help but ponder the rest of your own, how you're going to live it, and what legacy you will leave behind.

I'm a diehard Little House on the Prairie fan and one episode in particular has always stuck with me. It was the one where a woman (I know I'll remember her name after I've posted this.......much, much later I'm thinking it's Patricia Neal) was dying and she was trying to find a loving home to place her children in. After her death someone had found, or she'd given a paper to someone that stated what she wanted read at her service. It said something like, 'remember me with laughter; if you can only remember me with tears, then don't remember me at all'. I think I couldn't have said it better myself.

I am in the Winter season of my life. At 49 I was diagnosed with severe Emphysema and had to quit working. I'm now 50, permanently disabled, and my only child, son Ryan, is almost 13. I am in the Winter season of my life, yet.........it feels like I've only just begun. I started working when I was 10 and never really stopped. When I was 12 I was caring for my mom and doing my best to, for all intents and purposes, raise and care for my 4 youngest siblings. My Spring had barely started.........my young buds just beginning on the branch when I became an adult. I don't, therefore, remember really having a childhood. But nothing is ever really lost to my way of thinking.

NOW that I have the time we always wish we had to do all those things we never had time to do, I'm actually doing them and enjoying them. Life is so rich in so many simple ways that we miss them completely when we get too busy just "gettin' by" or by just "keep on keepin' on". That's not really life........it's just merely survivin' it. I'm not just saying become a more active participant. Sheesh, if some of us got more active we'd have to give up something necessary and precious like sleep. I'm saying.......get into the moment, the now of what you're doing.

Case in point: I did something a couple weeks ago that is so unlike me, yet it filled me with a peace I have never known in my life. Who would have thought in February that I'd be in a tank top in 65° weather planting my window boxes. Well, there I was and I didn't just throw the dirt and flowers in and call it good. Noooooooooooo, I made it a 5 hour adventure. What's the big deal you ask? Well, firstly, I don't much even care for yardwork and stuff like that. I mainly do it because I like a nice looking yard........to me it's like the finishing touch on my house......the symmetry to my abode..........like a nice frame compliments the picture it encompasses.

Anyway, I digress. I took my dear sweet time setting up a table and getting all the tools and necessary items I needed. I never knew what the heck people meant when they'd make a remark about 'zen moments' but I think I do now. I spent the whole 5 hours not just digging in the dirt, but feeling it. My mind didn't wander like it normally does..........it, and I, were content to just stay in the moment, smelling and feeling the dirt, feeling the sun beat down on my back, the light breeze blow through my hair, looking at each flower's detail instead of just stuffing it in it's place. For a short time, I actually experienced life to the fullest because I stayed in the NOW zone and never wandered from it. I hope I can continue to experience life like I did that day.........up close and personally, instead of just walking by it or beside it.

I am in the Winter of my life, but I feel the buds coming out like they were never allowed to do before and I'm looking forward to discovering where my roots will go and what I develop into. Maybe I'll finally discover what God has known all along.........the plan for my life, to be what He wanted me to be, to travel down the road He's known from the beginning of time.

My flower boxes are in bloom too..........it should be interesting to see how we both flourish.